2021: The Year of Living Small
This year, the annus feels more like an anus.
This year, the annus feels more like an anus.I have procrastinated about writing my 2021 commitments. As some of you may know, I attempt a witty, revealing few paragraphs each new year making public my good intentions and goals for the coming annus. But this year, the annus feels more like an anus.Inexplicably, I feel tired. Trodden and sodden.
Last year, I droned on about ‘values’ and eye contact and books with f*ck in the title. This year, I just want a meal in a restaurant and an hour to poke around the racks at my favourite dress shop. I want to wear heels and host a party — in my house! I want to fall in love with someone other than the Canada Post Carrier who visits sometimes — knocks on the door and then runs away. This year, my needs have become quite simple.
1. I want to see a movie. Imagine this; it’s a Tuesday night, you’ve worked 9 hours and you want to kick back and escape the realities of the day. Pay half the weekend rate and go to a VIP movie! Oh yes. We had those! There, you will sit in an insanely comfortable leather chair that goes back at the push of a button, have a lovely young man bring you French Fries and a glass of Chardonnay, and immerse yourself in a scintillating story that jettisons you through space and time with humour, horror, drama, and romance. When the two hours is up, you go home and fall into bed, refreshed from this virtual adventure. You dream of kings, queens, fairies, swashbucklers, and heroes. You do not dream of mortgage payments, cancelled travel plans, or who will be chosen to do this week’s grocery run.
2. I would appreciate a pedicure. Self-care is a thing the aughts taught me and I’m sort of attached to it. The yoga, massage, pedicures and spa day trips I’ve incorporated into my baseline care are an important way for me to stay sane and box out some ‘me’ time. Due to all the lock downs, I’ve tried to duplicate this experience at home with face masks from the drug store, salty baths, and a bag of tea light candles arranged in a neat circle around the tub. The pilot study of this new practice was under water in no time. The mask slipped off when I moved to put more hot water in the chilled tub, the goop got in my eye, the dog heard me yelp and pounced onto the tub, the candles flickered and went out with the sudden detonation of lavender scented water, the @TorontoLife magazine slipped into the tub along with the shattered @wineglass and my teenaged daughter ran into the bathroom excited that something, anything had actually happened. Onwards and upwards? I think not.
3. Online shopping is overrated. There is no virtual experience that matches the feel, the wooly scent, and the ocular satisfaction of trying on a cashmere sweater. Rifling through the racks finding one on sale in your size is like a dopamine party — hosted by your brain. No matter how advanced online platforms become, they will never be able to duplicate this experience. Hunting and gathering is in our DNA. Absolutely nothing can take the place of this largely female practice that happens around food selection, clothing, household items, and supplies. I yearn for this simple act of taking care.
4. I want to laugh without worrying my spittle will land somewhere it shouldn’t. I know things about aerosols now that I never comprehended (or cared about) before. I also know about vaccine efficacy rates, herd immunity, and the chances our home will run out of toilet paper. This coagulates with deteriorating images of US politics. Combined with terror and vitriol from the unmasked and misguided masses. I turn my head away as one would when seeing a great country beating itself.
Giving provides so much psychic nurture to me that it's bordering on selfish.5. I want to give like no-one’s watching. Since I’ve always danced regardless of who is in the room, in 2021 I realized that I want to be useful. This is not a commitment or a contract or even a promise. It just means I’m going to try. Here’s the question I ask every day; how can I detect, define, and bring support to someone else’s need today? It’s a good one because it can span from your house (AKA ‘the bunker’) all the way through your community and country and across the planet. The scope of my support can be tiny or large. A jar of homemade soup left on the porch of a neighbour’s home, volunteering at the farmers market, a donation of my skills to a not for profit in need, a call with a young professional looking for guidance, a smile to the old gentleman I see out walking almost every day. This provides so much psychic nurture to me that it’s bordering on selfish.
People gravitate towards ‘givers’ as we’ve learned to be so much more attuned as a society to not showing others what we have, but rather showing people what we have to give. Yes. I like that. This gives me energy.
6. One tiny post-script. My husband is now burning scented candles in his home office on a regular basis. If that is not the light at the end of the tunnel, I don’t know what is.
